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'What makes you think you're so smart?'

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

Scarcity

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"She's a show dog...purebred, of course." "That's great! My guy's a Sanskrit scholar...wrote for the Harvard Lampoon."

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

"And in the category of 'The Most Amazing Comeback from an Academic Nosedive,' the winner is..."

"And just how do you expect to become a made man, son, without a solid liberal-arts education?"

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

"Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing."

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

Max Weber

"Yes, Donald, I know you didn't expect a test today... that's why it's called a pop quiz!"

Can you translate that to simple-minded!

University Book Store.

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

'Since you conduct only thought experiments, we were hoping you would, from time to time, come up with some thought results.'

'After being here for more than forty years - as undergraduate, graduate student instructor, professor - what saddens me most is that this was not the college of my choice.'

'He was very big in Vienna.'

'Actually I can't even figure out the origin of this organization.'

High School

"Son, I've asked Mr. Puffer to instruct you on the finer points of classical as your new tooter."

'So, in college what did you major in' - 'Business poetry.'

There are two schools of thought. But they are spelled differently. And one of them is wrong.

'There'll be a slight delay. The chef is cramming for his nutrition finals.'

"If it makes any difference, it's a remarkable piece of plagiarism."

Teacher giving marks out of ten to builder repairing wall in school.

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

Cambridge Dons Researching Gravity.

'What I don't understand, is how a guy named Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart stayed out of fights long enough to compose any music.'

'That should be good for quite a few doctoral dissertations in the future.'

Turning with mathematical precision.

"I have to read this disclaimer: Any opinions expressed in this course belong to the professor and do not necessarily mean the university is left-wing."