Debate Fanatic Pillows

'Both parties shouted 'liar, liar, pants on fire' at the same time. It was a big first step towards bi-partisanship.'

"A burrito with eggs eating in the evening or one with beef and beans eaten in the morning, which has a stronger claim to the name"breakfast burrito'?" This debate is not focusing on the questions that are important to me.

You need to calm down, Snookums. I can't. I cannot take the perversion of economic theory. It is not socialism to collect taxes to pay for services like roads and schools, or police and fire and military, that are essential for economic development and social equity. Fair taxes are the lifeblood of a vibrant, thriving society! Give Momma the bullhorn. A bullhorn in every pot!

Post Truth Bricks.

'Lightening struck!'

'I will only need to talk to you in order to contradict what you've said.'

'It's a precaution - we think the president will be fighting back this time.'

". . . and now, for the final round of the debate. . ."

I'm Right! And You Know I'm Right!

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"You're fired."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

'The meek shall inherit the debt. The rich shall inherit the loopholes.'

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Oligarchy

Annual run-off at the mouth.

Scarcity

What's normal?

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"That's the last time I'm going to allow politics to be discussed in the office."

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.

Dialogue

The economy.

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

Skeptic Tank.

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'