Dealing With Arthritis Mugs

"Knee replacement? Can I have it replaced with chocolate?"

A Puppet Named Juan

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

They hated me.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Campaign for Plain English

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Meet Stephen Krkzk Author of 'Why Conspiracy Theories Are Nonsense'

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"How long will we, the descendants of wolves, be content with table scraps and belly rubs?"

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

Clown teaches how to speak Jibberish

"Tonight! Author book signing." "Develop your inner raging bitch."

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

"I had a fear of speaking in front of people, which is why I shadow puppet and sing the lessons."

"Class of 2008, never let the excuse 'I can't find my pants' stand in the way of your dreams."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Inclusive speech

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

Lethal Presentation

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

Create some buzz!

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'