Dealing With An Estate Mugs

'I always thought he lived in Margate?'

'You know, your estate never did pay my bill!'

Cat and dog at a will reading.

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Graph Your Relatives!

"Here's what you wanted – a strategy to live abundantly, build capital, surpass your peers and disappoint your heirs."

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

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"Good news. Your medical prognosis is right in sync with your retirement portfolio."

Contest of wills.

"Apparently the will was typed up wrong and UCLA got all your husband's money...and you get his brain!"

"There's no money in your uncle's will. You are, however, directed to maintain his 5 cats and Facebook account."

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"These are all my financial papers - with the exception of the codes to my secret Swiss bank accounts, of course."

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"Just so you know, I'm taking all this with me into the afterlife."

"For my will I decided to cut out the middle man and bequeath all my money to the IRS."

'He must not have been an easy man to care for. He always had an iron will. Which brings us to what he left you.'

"Why do you need to know if I've made a will?"

'My cat died this morning. This is a legal nightmare. There are nine wills.' color

'One day, after they unfreeze my DNA, this will all be mine again.'

"Unless you really don't like one of your children, it's best to leave your debt divided equally between them."

Tonight's Lecture: Contesting the Will. It's going to be about either inheritance law or who really wrote Shakespeare's plays.

'For those with particularly ungrateful children,the inheritance tax can be a comfort.'

God changes His will.

"I stopped believing in free will when I had my lawyer write mine."

"As you all know your dear deceased Aunt Bessie was a very devoted cat lover...."

' I hear she was quite the collector...'

'...and to his son, he has left his leprosy...'

"Someday this will all be yours, or so you think until you find out at my last will and testament that I left everything to my hot, young trophy wife and you curse my soul to eternal damnation."

"Well, at least you don't have to worry about inheritance tax."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"That reminds me, we must sort out your will."