Daughter's Birthday Pillows

"Can you just give it to me for free? My daughter's birthday is tomorrow and she will literally STARVE if we don't have it. You don't even have kids! What could you possibly need the money for? How heartless can you be? My daughter's birthday is ruined now. Either give it to me or sell it to someone else and give me what they paid you!! Oh and YOU drop it off. I live about 700 miles away."

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

Robot Parts $5

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Butterfly Woman

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'I have this fear of the real world...'

I should be a writer when I grow up...

Skipping Horse

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Remote control pirate bully

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

"Can we do that again tomorrow night?"

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

'When I grow up, I want to be a hydraulic engineer...'

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

Big Bang Theory.

"My political platform focuses on more ice cream and more frisbee chasing, with less chores and fewer baths."

'Hmph. College kids.'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Actually, make that a double cream."