Data Management Aficionado T-Shirts

Medical Data Base of Useful Information, 5K. Medical Data base of useless information, 500,000,000 MB.

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Note the spike here, when the state legalized marijuana."

'I like scientists: They are genuinely interested in every mundane thing we do and keep detailed records...'

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

"I love your optimism."

'From an aesthetic perspective, it has heart, beauty and intrigue, but is it a viable process design?'

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

Us. Everyone else. My research shows that we are the only statistics company sill using pie charts displayed on an easel.

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

Bottom line, is that the sweet smell of success or your aftershave?

Real data visualization specialists are 100% committed to their profession.

"When I grow up I hope to get into data storage."

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

Aggression/Security

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

'Just do the presentation Williams and let the numbers speak for themself.'

'Remind me to never again ask him what he learned in school.'

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

'...and what's more, my databank has more data than your databank.'

'Ferguson here will explain the 'worst case scenario' of Social Security Privatization.'

Information about information about information about information.

'It looks like our data.'