Data Analyst Humorist Pillows

Printout in a genetics laboratory forming dna double helix

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

The Anti-Agent

British savings accounts

"My email is down... talk to me."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

Fear/Knowledge

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"Of course this'll be a great year. The data, sales projections, customer surveys, and my mom all think so."

Time for More Paperwork

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

"Actual results indicate that the statistical analysis of the data which projections were based on may have been wrong."

'I think we'd be more confident about meeting our targets if we could work out what they were!'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

"Remember Mr. Cockbundle is not just a 'customer', he is an important source of valuable and readily marketable data."

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

"My favorite way to start the day...coffee, danish, and a data dump."

"I fear one day our jobs will be taken over by technology."