Customer Service Critic Prints

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

Bank - For The Convenience Of Customers This Branch Has Been Moved To Tierra Del Fuego Where It Will Open On Alternative Tuesday Afternoons

Good customer service.

"Please stay on the line. All of our customer-service representatives are kidding around and throwing paper airplanes at each other."

Nellie resolves to find a new insurance company.

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"Of course we listen to our customers - we wouldn't miss their screams for anything!"

'I don't know Arthur, I've heard the service is terrible here.'

'I think he's recognized us: I told you we should have left a tip last time...'

'Any chance of an upgrade...?'

"What does your mother have to do to get a drink around here?"

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

"It's important that a welcoming smile is always genuine, Susan."

Marks & Spencer refund counters: 'No quibble refunds' and 'Quibble refunds'

Will take headphones off and stop ignoring people at...

'I said... oh, forget it!'

"We are experiencing high call volume. Please do not hold."

'Hello?..We ordered a mini-cab from you...it should have been here half an hour ago!'

Customer tangled up in velvet rope is trying to ring bell for help.

"If bankers can count, how come they have six windows and only two tellers?"

"Press one to speak in English with a non-English speaking customer service representative..."

To provide an enhanced user experience for our customers this branch will in future only be open on the second Tuesday in months beginning with 'F'...'

"You must admit, we're a very reliable company."

"A soup spoon? What do you think this is, a soup-spoon shop?"

Payback Time

Customer information closed - 'Very informative!'

Sign in store - 'Under New Mismanagement'

'But you are the Customer Services Department so 'That is for us to know and for you to find out' just isn't good enough!'

'We've decided to tell individuals we treat them like institutions, and tell institutions we treat them like individuals.'

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

"Let's re-record that, Jeff. It might sound more sincere to say 'Your call is very important' than 'verrrrry important'."

"What do you mean I'm impolite to customers? Are you call me rude?! Why you F****g son of a B***h!!"

"You can find the DIY section yourself."

"Come back tomorrow! That's what you said yesterday."

"We need to talk about your driving. Some of your passengers have been complaining."