Customer Service Aficionado T-Shirts

"It's fancy-schmantzy. I just wanted fancy."

'May I help you for a fee?'

'It's a flight simulator for passengers.'

"Please stay on the line while we try to locate someone in tech support whose accent you'll understand."

The key to a successful customer loyalty program is to make people feel special. Watch and learn. How would you like to join our exclusive VIP Premier Exclusive Best Customer Reward Program? The other key is knowing whom to ask. There's minestrone in your eye.

'There'll be a slight delay, sir - Your waiter hasn't shown up for work yet.'

'Hi, I'm from Complainers Anonymous. Can I see the manager?'

'Could you show me something that's more feature laden?'

Service With A Smile.

'The waiting time to speak to a representative is...all eternity.'

Funeral business

"You're a lousy grocery store."

Friendly Yet Reserved Bank

"This item was sourced by Patty, packed by Alice, and sent on its way with a light kiss on the address label from Sarah."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'The customer is always right...'

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"To keep prices down, we require you to cook your own food, wait in yourselves and wash your dishes."

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

'I see you've found a cure of the 'new car fever'.'

'I apologize for repeatedly asking if everything is okay, but displaying customer concern is part of our mission statement.'

"He likes to make clients feel important..."

"I'd recommend this."

"Will that be for here or to go?"

"I used to wait tables but I found I was more suited to producing movies."

'I just asked if you were finding everything alright. I never said I worked here.'

The competition's customer vs our customer.

"Right, shall we delay the discussion on customer care again and look at the urgent issue of declining sales and plummeting profits."