Customer Experience Manager T-Shirts

"I think a positive attitude goes a long way in customer service."

"This conversation may be recorded for training purposes, depending on how well we confuse you."

"Sorry, but that's one of the things you're better off not knowing."

"This the nastiest email that I ever read. I want to use it as our new template."

Sharings,,,formerly complaints,

"And calls may be recorded, for training purposes only."

"Our latest survey shows our customers basically want just three things: prompt service, and apology when mistakes occur and to be treated politely..."

Great customer care is not optional.

"Please take a moment to rate our service. And considering these crazy times, do you really think we could do better? Eh? Do you???"

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'Well, I'm not very satisfied with our customers, either.'

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

Early on-line shopping

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"Why have you doubled the price of oatmeal?"

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'The customers' suggestions make a lot of sense. I say, let's hire the customers and fire the staff!'

'I know it's the truth, but on this promo for our site, do you think we should use the promo code 'desperation?''

"You can't say that to a customer!"

"That's the Ommbudsman."

'Don't call us, we'll call you, inc,'

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

"You can tell it's a classy restaurant - they're ignoring us with panache."

"Providing the kind of service the customer is paying for could be a serious hassle."

'I'm keen on precise statistics as the next person...'

'Our efforts to be rude impersonal, overpriced and inconvenient has made us leaders in jet fuel efficiency.'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"We need to really FOCUS on our customers if we're to rip them off to inflate our profits."

'No, we don't take complaints, we SELL complaints.. If the sign said POPCORN, you wouldn't try to GIVE me popcorn, would you?'

'You've been friendly to a customer? You anwered his question competently and solved his problem?? Don't you dare to do that again, mister!!'

'Sir, our new automated telephone system saves us $20,000 annually, but our phone business has dropped 66%!'

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.