Customer Care Conundrums Prints

'That's waht I'd call 'Performance'! Our customers went from simple complaints to bomb threats!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"If you want to talk to someone uninterested, press 1..."

"We only do salads. There's no need to keep warning customers that the plates are cold."

'A formal inquiry could take months, sir, and still be inconclusive.'

Is there anyone here from 'customer care'? Could you tell them I'll ring back as soon as I've got my new kidney in!

'You've got to give it to Jim, there's nothing he won't do for his customers.'

The competition's customer vs our customer.

"Right, shall we delay the discussion on customer care again and look at the urgent issue of declining sales and plummeting profits."

"Thank you for calling the honesty foundation, your call in unimportant to us, so leave a message for us to laugh at when you hear the tone..."

'Do you have this in a smaller size?' - 'Is she nuts! She's way too big for that size. She'll destroy it if she tries it on...but if I don't answer her soon she'll destroy me...'

"Don't you DARE argue with me you ***(****) or I'll **** your ****."

"Yes, who do I punch in the face for overbooking my flight?"

'Waiter, your tip's getting cold.'

City Bank: The bank that sticks with you through thick.

"I don't know how you managed it madam, but you have got though to someone in authority."

"The diet section is located next to the snack bar."

"And that is where we started to focus on customer care."

"I want you to share any concerns you have about customer care and I'll see if I can do anything about your whining not completely destroying your career."

'Went straight to the top a week after 'Customer Care' started.'

"Your issue should be simple to resolve. I'll just go and get someone less qualified to help you."

"We've implemented AI, now if we can develop artificial concern for our customers, we'll have it made."

"Roger ALWAYS puts out customers FIRST!"

A Dog Who Never Got His Day.

"People are sick of 'automated' systems, they want to talk to real people..."

"When were you thinking of trying to get us to call, luv?"

Central Bank: A Full Service Bank

'By the time we'd finished the strategic review of our policies regarding customer care they'd all left and gone somewhere else.'

"The customer is always right. . . even if she is your sister."

To get customer service please scream loudly 'Dear God is there no one there, what do I have to do to get serviced...I'm going to take my money somewhere else...'