Curmudgeon Whisperer T-Shirts

"Even your sleep is curmudgeonly."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"Did you remember to take the trash in?"

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"Relax. They're just crows."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"I said 'follow,' not stalk your bliss!"

Cleaning the Horse

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

"How's tricks?"

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

I hope Bernie Sanders wins. We've never had a president like him. We've had cool presidents, awkward presidents, dignified presidents, goofy presidents

Uncle Murray Weekly

'I've lost my voice...'

I HATE STUFF

That elusive Pecorino!

"Now we mustn't lose our temper Wendy, perhaps we'll be good enough for the gymkhana next year."

'Your behavior is inappropriate and completely unacceptable!' 'Talk to the hand!'

"Thanks. I feel much better now."

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"

'Of course she's had work done. Look at the scar.'

"Working with the elderly can be challenging... They can be bad tempered and curmudgeonly. I never ask him for anything until he's had his nap!"

'Sunnyside down.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I'm 66 years old: and I going to be as crabby as you? - Rolf. *Actual reader letter. Rolf, this is really a sad, unfortunate letter. It seems unlikely you can ever achieve any reasonable level of crabby if you're the kind of loser to send such a whiny question. Great crabs are born, not made! Guy probably won't even make a decent curmudgeon. Not sure that's what he's hoping for.

'My name's Sammy the Sock Puppet.' - 'Hello, Sammy.' - 'I'm not happy about where your hand is.' - 'You're a sock puppet. What do you expect?' - 'Kill! Kill!' - 'Gah! Not the eyes!'

'I'm not here!'

The Ekert Saga: '...We need to trick the evil fahces into thinkin' the treat of the Ekert isn't a threat anymah...by makin' them think they've already found him...'

"Keep calm woman - you're making him nervous."

"But you sais if we'd appease them with a little more food, they'd go away."

"Working with older people is part of the job!"

A Rare Moment of Hand Puppet Intimacy