Curmudgeon Whisperer T-Shirts

"Even your sleep is curmudgeonly."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"Did you remember to take the trash in?"

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

"Relax. They're just crows."

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"I said 'follow,' not stalk your bliss!"

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Cleaning the Horse

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

Uncle Murray Weekly

I HATE STUFF

That elusive Pecorino!

'I've lost my voice...'

"Now we mustn't lose our temper Wendy, perhaps we'll be good enough for the gymkhana next year."

'Of course she's had work done. Look at the scar.'

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"

'Your behavior is inappropriate and completely unacceptable!' 'Talk to the hand!'

"Thanks. I feel much better now."

"Working with the elderly can be challenging... They can be bad tempered and curmudgeonly. I never ask him for anything until he's had his nap!"

'My name's Sammy the Sock Puppet.' - 'Hello, Sammy.' - 'I'm not happy about where your hand is.' - 'You're a sock puppet. What do you expect?' - 'Kill! Kill!' - 'Gah! Not the eyes!'

The Ekert Saga: '...We need to trick the evil fahces into thinkin' the treat of the Ekert isn't a threat anymah...by makin' them think they've already found him...'

'Sunnyside down.'

'I'm not here!'

"Keep calm woman - you're making him nervous."

"Working with older people is part of the job!"

A Rare Moment of Hand Puppet Intimacy

"But you sais if we'd appease them with a little more food, they'd go away."

"Another p**s and vinegar?"