Culinary Comedic Critic Mugs

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"States of tofu"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

'Your French dip, sir.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"I don't want to fork. I just want to spoon."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

"That's it. We’re toast."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Soup of the month.

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

6 Brothers Falafel

Chez Nous Menu

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"Would you like some wings?"

"Tia Carmen, is it okay if my study group meets here tomorrow?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Wok. Don't Wok.

Cookbooks

View to the Future

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Ninja bread men"