Culinary Catastrophe Survivor T-Shirts

'As far as I'm concerned, this kitchen is the real environmental hazard!'

'What d'you mean,Doris-you,ve burnt OUR dinner,and hers NEXT door,and hers NEXT door again and...?'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

Is that pancake ready yet?

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

'My hero!'

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

'Believe it or not you're our greatest liability Jones!'

"He cooks under the guidance of a smoke alarm."

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"

Killer Apple Pie Threatens Earth.

'Well, lucky you! The chef informs me that his breakfast special today is blackened scrambled eggs!'

'Well that seems conclusive, a soft fabric chefs hat is no protection against a 5L can of beans...'

"There's something wrong with your dinner."

'Call an emergency church supper! The freezer's gone out!'

'Stop complaining or I'll take you home and serve you some of my husband's cooking!'

'Should my souffle blow the oven door off?'

"The chef's having a tough day, what with coroners and such."

"There's been an accident in the kitchen." "I know, I've just eaten it."

"Could Doctor see him now-I have the dinner to cook."

'What do you mean, send out for pizza? This is pizza!'

'Allors Monsieur, let's see... one fish meal... one phone call for the ambulance... that'll be 79,70.'

'Jeeves, you've made this soup taste like absolute s**t! Well done!'

"Careful, I'm spilling your shrimp bisque all over the place."

"Apparently after your fifth bout of food poisoning they suggest you take one home."

"Okay, let's eat."

Murphy's Slaw.

'What do you mean, the food is terrific?'

'I'd say he's tried Mrs Beeton's Recipe for a disaster.'

'Let's sit in front of the fire.'

'No, we can't pass it off as 'blackened' goulash!'