Culinary Accountant Pillows

'You say that you were a chef before retraining as an accountant?... That's good, we could use a bookkeeper who can cook.'

Accountant Reading 'The Joy of Cooking.'

'Keep an eye on McAllister -- I think he's cooking the books.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

'Actually, accounting is an exact science.'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

What's wrong with the computer you've got?"

Annual profits,

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

'There they go - off on their own - and a finer bunch of fledgelings one couldn't ask.'

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

Businessman with in and out boxes marked: 'Hocus' and 'Pocus'

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

Three businessmen using a pulley system to change a graph

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

'I think I must be ambidextrous. I can calculate interest with both sides of my brain.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"