Courtroom Star Prints

'You are the wind beneath my aquittal.'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

I love Lawyers

"When it comes to medical malpractice, most lawyers only go for the money... ...I go for the doctor's head."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I object!" "Overruled!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

Contest of wills.

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"Please accept the apologies of this court. You're free to go now, and, by the way, here's your DNA back."

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

"To indict or not to indict... No, to charge or not to charge... No..." "Don't worry. I know how this turns out." "Mueller's Hamlet"

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

Antonin Scalia

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

Criminal Stupidness

"That's right, think of yourself all the time! I'm the one who will be losing a client for the next twenty years."

"Your illegal pursuit of happiness has resulted in a sentence of life without liberty!"

"Well, my daddy always says it's not a lie unless the Grand Jury says it's a lie."