Courtroom Drama Lovers Pillows

'Good morning! Lawyer, lawyers and more lawyers! Who may we sue for you!'

What's Lady Godiva's name doing on the visitor's log thirty-seven times?

You misunderstood me, your honor. When I called for the ultimate punishment, I wasn't referring to the death penalty. I was saying the defendant should be sentenced to a date with me.

Aren't you going to invite me into chambers? I would, but I have a chambersmate.

'Your honor, my client would like to plead not guilty due to the theory of predestination.'

'Considering my client's age, Your Honor, life could be a long time.'

Mohammed: Hero Drone Commander of the Pakistani Army.

'I'm groping for a snappy, Hollywood-style one-liner in answer to your question, your Honor, but all I'm coming up with is 'Not Guilty!''

"The allegations against my client have been devastating your honour, they've completely turned his life upside down."

"Honestly Madam, do you expect this court to believe that all of your husbands mysteriously disappeared at this same time in November?"

"Could we just run that again with a more dramatic pause before sentencing?"

Trial by Media

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Questions about an old case refuse to go away. . .

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"We won!"

I love Lawyers

Sue the Author 3PM

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Now that's a win."

Barristers

"Whoa, don't ask constitutional questions you don't want to know the answers to."

'I think I'll become a lawyer.'

You don't believe I could be a supreme court justice! You're ruining my self-esteem! F.Y.I? � Whiny tirades don't look good on a supreme court justice's record. Thank you for your candid assessments. I will certainly consider their merits. Fine judicial temperament. And reject them for their shallow insensitivity! Rejection overruled.

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"You can't plead cute."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."