Country Clubber Prints

'He forgot to fix his divots, he plays too slow and he left a beer can on the course. He knew this was a tough country club when he joined.'

'I'm only paid 500 times more than our workers, so it's hard to hold my head up at the country club.'

"I'm guessing this is the first time Jack's had a chance to make par?"

'Which do you prefer being called...'rich' or job creator'?'

'No wonder this club has such a low membership fee.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Miniature Cattle Fanciers

Brew 'N' Brouhaha

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

Sober Tooth Tiger

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

"Do kids eat free?"

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

A man plays golf by the sea

The Walk of Shame

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

For every moment in life there is a song that describes it perfectly.'

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

'You had me at OOOO-AARRR!'

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

A newspaper stand in a rural area.

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

Gangsta wrap.

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

Gorgeous Groovers.

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

"No, I'm a transplant."

Jurassic Country Club.

American Express Credit Card