Counselling Pillows

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'My market doesn't understand me.'

Counselling Officer Molly Coddle

'They completely exploded during the session, so either of them should be eager to hire you. Remember, I get 10 percent!'

"He's impossible! He sees everything in black and white!"

'What seems to be the problem?'

'My computer doesn't understand me!'

Psychiatrist communicating with his patient through computers.

"Pretend relationships are better than real ones."

Harvey went to the kitchen to top up his gin and tonic. When he came back, things took an unexpected turn.

'All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call me names.'

'And stop making that stupid clucking sound'

'Try to become less emotional, Mr Stone!'

'It's all downhill from here.'

Health Centre/All Night Stress Counselling

Family Planning - "Have you tried sex yet ?"

Relate counsellor: 'Does he end every argument like this?'

'Don't trust people Billy, they'll only hurt you.'

In the psychiatrist's chair

"I can only get words in edgeways."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"Rooting for them is a disease, Ben. It's nothing to be ashamed of."

"It's the perfect cure for the corona virus blues."

"I can't tell whether my cat is happy or sad."

"In a world of 'from's' and 'to's', I always seem to be a 'cc'."

'You can add my name to that long list of people who don't understand you!'

Golfer going into onsite counsellor office

'My wife thinks it was a cheap, sordid affair, but she's wrong. The motel cost me fifty dollars and I spent another twenty on the vibrating bed!'

Urinanalyst.

You're going to need counselling

Talking about smoking to a therapist who is a smoker.

'Business is booming...come in.'

'Mrs Fenton, next time we have a neurotic snowman booked, get the payment up-front!'

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."