Couch Potato Snark Gifts

'He used to be my tiger, now he's nothing more than a skunk, a boar and a lying toad.'

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

Bowled over again!

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

"It's an update from the people tracking us. According to this, we haven't gone anywhere or done anything."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

"I'd go with you, but I'm a non-sporting breed."

"I swapped my 'couch to 5k' training app for a '5k to couch' one!"

'She'll never look for me here.'

Love is when you watch television together.

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

'Have you seen me?' (Brain missing in TV viewer)

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'Och lye the news'

"You are still here."

Tunnel of TV

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

"Would you get me a beer from the refrigerator? Just grab one of the cans on the top shelf. Come on, I do so much for you—all these years, the walks, the food, the chases... Come on! Never mind."

'I don't do so much of the you-can't catch-me-I'm-the -gingerbread-man material these days...'

Succession 2