Couch Confidant T-Shirts

'It's called doctor-patient confidentiality. In layman's terms, you're paying me to keep my mouth shut.'

"You're under arrest for consumer Freud."

(I'm afraid someone is going to expose me as a phony, a fraud, … A complete charlatan.) (Uh, oh! He's on to me!)

'Frankly, I don't see a problem. By its very nature inherited wealth entitles you to be second-rate.'

Poker at Docs.

'Bad Day?'

"Sometimes, my dear lady, even Dr. Hergeshimer gets tired."

"For years I've been baring my soul in here, and you've hardly said a word."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

Time for tea and friendship.

'I gotta admit it doc. . . My wife was right, a little time on the couch and I already feel better.'

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

The Common Sutra.

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"It's my box of secrets. It has things I've thought about but would never tell anyone!"

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

Exercise vs Laxative.

Eventual Motion Machine

"There's the remote!"

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

'Hon...Why do we have tumbleweed rolling across the living room floor?' 'That's not tumbleweed...The dog is shedding again.'

Dog cradles bone, baby cradles blanket, boy cradles teddy bear and father cradles TV remote.

"How much for the couch without the potato?"

"Comfy?"

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

"I know that in these bad times nobody is hiring and workers are still being laid off, but what will be your excuse when the economy recovers?"

John bought himself a new "Unfit" bracelet.