Couch Confidant T-Shirts

'It's called doctor-patient confidentiality. In layman's terms, you're paying me to keep my mouth shut.'

"You're under arrest for consumer Freud."

(I'm afraid someone is going to expose me as a phony, a fraud, … A complete charlatan.) (Uh, oh! He's on to me!)

'Frankly, I don't see a problem. By its very nature inherited wealth entitles you to be second-rate.'

Poker at Docs.

'Bad Day?'

"Sometimes, my dear lady, even Dr. Hergeshimer gets tired."

"For years I've been baring my soul in here, and you've hardly said a word."

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"The batteries in his TV remote died. The shock of not being able to use it for two minutes has put him in a temporary state of shock."

'...when did you first get these feelings of wanting to be a psychiatrist?'

'Seriously. You have to get one of these.'

Time for tea and friendship.

"I now pronounce you man and couch."

"It's a beautiful day. I should go for a walk. . . Oh, now my neighbors are all out there."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'Ask your doctor if getting your fat butt off the couch might be right for you!'

"It's my box of secrets. It has things I've thought about but would never tell anyone!"

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

Eventual Motion Machine

Exercise vs Laxative.

"There's the remote!"

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

The four freedoms: freedom to bark, freedom from fetching, freedom to sleep on any piece of furniture, freedom from leashes.

"How much for the couch without the potato?"

"Comfy?"

"You need the exercise, so I bought you a bigger remote."

'Yes, it's a very interesting show, but we really need to talk about all the time you waste watching it - perhaps during the next commercial break.'

"I know that in these bad times nobody is hiring and workers are still being laid off, but what will be your excuse when the economy recovers?"

John bought himself a new "Unfit" bracelet.

"I don't want to sound simplistic, but I think a smaller couch with fewer throw pillows would help this marriage a lot."

'I don't think that lifting the remote control counts as exercise!'

'Darling! This isn't a property programme at all! It's the view from our living room window..'

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"There's nothing wrong with me, I just really like this couch."