Cost-cutting Champion Pillows

'It says take all this medication - if you can afford it.'

'We should buy London and ship it to the States!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

Thrift: New way to eat eggs (avoid needless transport costs).

When Tia Carmen says... "I got it for a very good price!" it means...she stopped at a garage sale on the way home.

Phil would get giddy after a large print run, but the company was saving a fortune.

The Affordable Shredder

"Post Covid it was clear that the old 9-5 was no longer viable, our industry lends itself to home working."

"Turns that out! - We're supposed to be saving energy!!"

"I know we said we would get you a laptop.. but this will have to do until business gets better."

'And finally, a steady decline in earnings has forced us to trim the presentations budget.'

"To save money, 5 employees will share the same computer. I got the idea while I was carpooling."

Janet always was ahead of the curve...she outsourced herself.

'If I'm going to do an effective job of reducing costs, I'm going to need a bigger budget.'

'And finally, there's option three, a classic business model that would reduce our marketing, supply-chain and production expenses by 85 percent!' '

"We can probably just about afford to run the pilot-light."

'I've just thought of a way to save the company £1800 a month.'

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

How to do without

"Boss, I have a suggestion for you that's win-win. It'll save you thousands of dollars in health insurance premiums... If you pay to have me cryogenically frozen and then thawed every other day, I'll get to live to be 180, and you'll get an employee who's young and productive for the rest of your life."

"This wasn't the kind of budget cuts I had in mind."

"I'm finding this model very economical!"

"We need to be extra careful about expenditure...and I thought we could save a but by having the Xmas, New Year and redundancy parties at the same time!"

'Because of cost cuts, your computer and telephone got removed. Just make a 'Click-Click' noise for typing, 'Bzzt-Bzzt' for printing and 'Ring-Ring' for incoming calls.'

"One day this will all be outsourced."

'And exactly how much less did it cost to implement Five Sigma instead of Six, Dwayne?'

Thrift: bathe fully dressed and wash your clothes at the same time

"The good news is we're going paperless. The bad news is it's the employee's bathrooms."

Cutting the cost of assisted living facilities

"We've managed to outsource training to a company that will say 'yes sir,no sir' for 20% less."

"In order to cut costs we are no longer animating our presentations..."