Cosmetic Enhancement Pillows

"If you've been considering breast augmentation for longer than five minutes, we'll get started. If not, please come back in six minutes."

"Stock photo, right?"

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Honey, do these sweatpants make me look like I prefer we stay in tonight so I can watch the game?"

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

"Too much concealer?"

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

'Be ready in a minute - just have to put on my face.'

For heavens sake,put some make-up on!

'I ask her to make up her mind. So she powders her forehead.'

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"I don't like your application."

"It's called, 'Goth'."

'Maybe I should get a shopping cart.'

"If you could change just one thing about yourself, what would it be?" "I’d totally wish to have my brain put into a robot body." "That way I could live forever. Imagine living long enough to buy an iPhone 7000." "Wrong answer. An alpha male never lets on that he’s concerned about his mortality. Your answer should have been 'nothing.'" "The alpha male or female is not afraid of death, little buddy." "I think I’d rather wait for the 7000–S." "Stop it."

"I feel bad for the companies that make lipstick."

Only then, did Medusa realise her mistake.

"Where are my eyelashes?"

'Ok. Now I'm sexy.'

Have you got your make up on yet?

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

"Who's a pretty girl now?"

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

Woman applying makeup

"I'm not trying to be beautiful, I'm only trying to look better than everyone else there."

First love.

Become a Cosmetic Surgeon - Raise a Few Eyebrows!

'Here's my fail proof way to restore a youthful appearance - a 30 watt bulb.'

"We're having a make up test at school. Can I borrow your mascara?"

"C'mon already...that lipstick really isn't my shade."

'There's no charge for the carrier bag!'

'This is a very powerful perfume -- there's a ten-day waiting period.'

"Do you have anything that can help remove dark circles from under my eyes?"