Corporate Survival Pillows

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

Large Dollar Sign Office Block

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

Storm in the out tray

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

"I'm feeling completely wiped out."

Working hours.

'I'm sorry, but everyone is in a meeting.'

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

'Salaries Manager. No.'

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Born In Captivity.

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

Busy Workload Today and Especially Tomorrow

"Here, we do not procrastinate, we 'table' things."

"My report to the board was perfect. They did not understand a word of it and now think I'm smarter than them."