Corporate Restructuring Satirist Pillows

"At last! They've begun downsizing the top level."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Born In Captivity.

'You really want that promotion, don't you, Sherman?'

'Being offshored isn't exactly what I expected.'

BBC - Crisis Management, Damage Control and Liability Supervision.

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"Brilliant report, I can't tell where the facts and the fiction begins"

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."