Corporate Mentor Gifts

'Remember, Henderson - Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish and you've sacrificed your leverage.'

'...and FRIENDS, say goodbye to FRIENDS. Everyone is out to stab you in the back, don't expect loyalty, I don't even trust my sodding wife anymore!'

"And so my boss decided to take me under his wing, where I proceeded to get sucked into a jet engine."

Mentors make a difference.

"True happiness isn't in the things you have, but rather in knowing what you have is more than everyone you grew up with."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Now that I have your attention...'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Businesswoman Empowerment

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

Reach for the Star.

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

'As a beginning teacher, you know you come here prepared to teach and become a good teacher. As you gain experience, you will learn that you also come here to care and become a great teacher.'

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'