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'Ok, here's the meeting agenda ... it's gonna be a long one.'

'Rather than Jones becoming a team player with you guys, I prefer that you become team players with Jones.'

'Some joined up thinking is what we need.'

"We'll find the money for that. My guy is on it right now."

Next Direction

'So what's it going to be: paintball coronary, or raft building hernia?'

Teamwork

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

'Fair warning, Norton - one more sports metaphor and you're fired!'

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

'Do you think that's actually work he takes home? Or office supplies?'

'Of course, we're fully prepared to offer you our comprehensive employee health care package.'

'...and so you see our profits, not unlike Sir Isaac Newton, have felt the effects of gravity.'

"Oops! Wrong plug."

'When the music stops, sit down in the nearest chair. Whoever doesn't get a chair is redundant.'

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

'What split would you settle for, fifty fifty?' - 'As long as I get the hyphen as well.'

'It's just possible that the best candidate is the one who wins the Spoon Race.'

"I'm taking some time off to get away from the stress. See you in ten years."

Course 'Management Skills and Employee Motivation', 09 AM - 05 PM, No breaks!

'Okay, let's go over this again: You tell me your great ideas, I repeat them back to you, then you tell me I have a great idea and I get all the credit for it!'

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Perhaps you're right. Maybe we should upgrade our computer system."

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

Sales Convention - "We look ridiculous, let's change places"

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

Inhospitality tent.

'So to hit the training targets I have to arrange five days a year training for the staff that we haven't been able to recruit.'

"Not quite – one ankle on top of the other!"

"In an effort to make this a more pleasant meeting, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales figures chart counter-clockwise a full ninety degrees."

'Well, at least we eliminated all the problems we didn't have.'

'This button connects you to the inner ear of every worker.'

'Who wants the talking stick?'