Corporate Critique Fans Pillows

We're looking for someone who thinks big on a small salary.

BP's Spill Bill

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'That's our mission statement.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

Spot the difference.

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'No, it's not really good - that's our lawsuits-to-earnings ratio.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

Lethal Presentation

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Satya Nutella

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'The portrait is a mark of his extreme egotism, but, if you curtsy and bow sufficiently...say, 'Oh Yes Sir!'!, to everything he says, you should do OK'

"Leadership is all about knowing who to delegate responsibility for all your mistakes."

"The announcement of the changes really went well."

'No matter how cynical I become, I can't keep up.'

'We've just become the biggest corporation in America.. let's celebrate today and begin downsizing tomorrow.'

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"