Copay Comedian Pillows

"Congratulations...your cholesterol is lower than your copay."

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

Sick Rancher Humor

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

'Smart? This dog can bark in five different languages!'

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"Look, there's even more buttons and stuff up there."

Brown only photocopier sales.

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

"I know it's a pie in the sky, Henshaw, but from a career perspective point of view we'll log it in as 'unidentified small aircraft'."

'It took months of training but now she'd rather sip a martini than fetch a ball.'

'Why in the world do you want to log on to the vet doctor. who did a 'fix' job on you?!'

'Separate rooms please, we're on our second honeymoon.'

Applecart - "Its's just there as a reminder!"

'I gave him the best years of my life. That's true. Then we got married.'

'Where it asks, 'head of household'. . . who is it. . . you or Marmaduke?'

"I figured I'd start with one love handle and if you liked it, go for the pair."

Bill finally receives a celery commensurate with his responsibilities.

"Apparently, all the King's horses and all the King's men were out of Humpty's healthcare provider network."

'Which health plan are you on?'

80 Million Euros for a football player.

Josh tests his theory that by driving backward through a quick-pass toll lane, he can get money ADDED to his credit card account.

'Sorry about the screaming during that air pocket, back there.'

'What do you mean you want a pay rise??? You only work once a year!!!'

Husband check

"Do you take MasterCard?"

1876: The Wild West

If you're really listening to the control tower, why are you playing air drums?

"Do you have anything fit for a King?"

"Height and position? I'm six foot tall and in the pilot's seat."

'I'm afraid the Christmas party has been cancelled on cost grounds...but the good news is that the boss has said you can still come in and photocopy your bottoms!'

"As you'd expect, the control panel of a modern passenger jet is very complex."

'It's his mother. They're inseparable.'

"Sorry, but they call themselves cowboys: so they must love us more than they love their horses..."