Conversation Critics Gifts

'They say TV kills the art of conversation...'

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"Matthew, did we agree to adopt a whale?"

Protest

'May I suggest a pleasant viognier to put the subtext into gear?'

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

"Without question the funniest patient I’ve ever lost."

'I said, how do you like my new communication tool?'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

"I owe you an apology. When you bought that muzzle, I was mad because I assumed you bought it for your dog."

"Mrs. Stiltz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask..."

The psychiatrist.

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."

"Are you busy or are you at work?"

"This conversation is being performed in front of a live audience."

"I know, I know — it looks silly, but you can’t imagine how warm I am."

'We've just learned to speak and now you're not talking to me?'

"I'm leaving you,Jerry-I need more from a man than just scintillating conversation."

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"May I air-quote you?"

'Do you get the feeling there isn't much substance in most conversations?'

'I'm getting mixed signals. First the boss tells me that I never really caught fire around here then he tells me that I suffer from burnout.'

'You know, sometimes I think we don't even speak the same body language.'

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

"How did I get to be the only one that listens?"

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

'I am becoming a jerk. Get a memo to all departments.'

Jack suffered from an overactive blabber

"He's been told he has to cut down on using meaningless 'management speak'...which is causing him a lot of problems...as it's the only language he knows!"

'Mr Slickovitz will now brief you on corporate creole!'