Contract Ninja Mugs

"Refresh my memory: Are you my lawyer or my lawyer's lawyer?"

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"The meeting will come to order."

'We're making progress. I just got a firm 'maybe'.'

"What if he's bluffing? What if he's not? What if the room just gets too hot?"

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

"Oh dear...I don't think negotiations are going too well..."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'Three weeks of brutal alimony negotiations, Polly, and you settle for a cracker!'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'He's ruthless and greedy... so let's make sure he's on our side.'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"I think that might have been one deadline too many for Tim!"

'Make them a four billion dollar takeover offer, but don't cause a fuss.'

"Okay, I'll renew your contract and raise you five sick days."

'I'm interested in your job opening, so I'll have my agent give you a ring!'

'And I want that end table for $40...' When bargain hunters crack.

'I'm 60-40 in favor of the 60.'

"Whaddya want for nineteen mil?"

"Is this about your raise?"

"He'll never win this negotiation. He's saddled with numbers...but we have anecdotes."

Mediation Process

'This is a business lunch, Lowden. So, don't even think about enjoying yourself.'

'I hope you made the prospect say no three times before you gave up.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Gracie's the only kid I know who offers El Cucuy under her bed a no-compete contract."

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in the contract clearly states ...'

"I like your thinking Steve. Hiding the contract loopholes under the staples is brilliant."