Contract Comedy Lover T-Shirts

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"By opening this cookie you are agreeing to whatever terms..."

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

'This is just an informal pledge that we all go through.'

Time is HONEY

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

'We offer full benefits. A desk, a chair and your very own cubicle.'

'He's faxing like there's no tomorrow.'

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

"It's the most hostile takeover I've ever been involved in"

"Hate to see you leave, Dave...especially since it was just last week that I learned you worked for me."

'Well, this is a new low - even for you.'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

'I have enough confidence in our project to put our money where our lawyer's mouth is.'

"There goes the person that proved the Peter principal faster than anyone in history."

"A handshake is as good as a thirty-page contract, eh, Mr. Harrison?"

Great coaching is about being specific with feedback.

'There's no use complaining, clause 34 section 67 of your contract says '...and any other duties as outlined by your manager'.'

We agreed that your contract was too complicated so we redrafted it to cover your new responsibilities...

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

"Thank you for making my decision to fire you, that much easier."

"Go on in—he's expecting you."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

R. Gelfin - The buck stops here, then gets buried in his pile.

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

'Accounting has suggested we standardize our billing procedure.'