Consumer Protection Agent Prints

'Finnegan's hurt bad, sir -- a crate of warning labels fell on him!'

"Great news! All of those bill collectors stopped hounding me because the hacker who stole my identity is being hounded by them now."

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

'After the tone, please leave your name and number.'

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

Telephone message - 'This is a recording. If you'd like to speak to a real live human being, forgetaboutit.

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, Richter. The crime rate has dropped.'

Gullib-Os

"Stop whinging and man up!" "Our new AI complaints management system still needs a bit of work."

"You may ask your questions only when I call your name. Don't waste my time with chit-chat. I don't have all day. Got that?"

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

"I'm considering going client side. That way I can still be an a*****e and actually get away with it."

Automated customer service.

Mixed Nuts (but mostly peanuts)

'I realize this is your first sales call, young man, but 15 minutes is way too long to shake hands.'

Consumer Protection Agency/Manufacturer Protection Agency

'Your call is very important to us, so please continue to hold.'

'Hold on, he's back again.'

'So Chief Executive how can you justify this new increase in gas prices?'

"Well, buddy....a lot of people are missing that. Just look at the social media comments."

'Do you sell eggs? . . . I forgot to say that I have middle class guilt. . .'

Big oil.

"I'm the nice huggy lady from the government."

The early version of accidentally hitting 'reply all.'

"We will indeed be facing numerous enraged customers."

"Rest assured, we will be working hard to stop the onslaught of scammers and the scourge of robocalls..."

'...and, this morning - you've got the blues.'

Fun at the Office #563: THE DAY THE TELEPHONES EXPLODED

"Here's a bunch of money. We need you to save America...as we know it."

When CAN we talk?

"It's a new bank policy, sir - Transactions under $500 just aren't worth our while."

"This banana I bought yesterday, when I peeled it it was empty!"

"He has encolosed the money as an attachment so we just have to print it out...!"