Considering Family Pillows

'This sound? That's my biological clock. By the way- are you married?'

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

Cry babies.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

'Ahhh...'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

The Baby Walker

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

My First Camera

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Pregnant lady being greeted by foetus.

Impressing dad.

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

Social distancing

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.