Consciousness Seeker Gifts

"Are you here?"

"I'm not an AI, I'm a human being."

Man lives in a cigarette pack.

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

'The proliferation of bird watchers make me more and more self-conscious...'

"Feel free to take notes."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Do you think that's wise?'

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

'He was just saying that all things come to him who waits and, sure enough, along came a lightning bolt.'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

"Any questions?"

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"The goal is to hate yourself."

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

Yoga.

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

"Life's a lottery - That's why you need balls"

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

Beyond the known and the unknown.

'You must heal yourself.'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"