Computer Joke Collector Prints

The Dilemma of Computer Support Terminology vs. Layman Terminology: 'Okay, I've put it in the recycle bin, now what?'

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"If you'd like to take a seat."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

'Finish your homework first, Og... then you can watch the wall.'

'And these are the projections if we stop doing silly things like paying the employees.'

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

'I think the computer has a crush on me. It asked me to remain after class.'

"Good news. You know that elephant in the room we never talk about? He's now in the other room."

'Before I show you where you'll be working, let me just say that some companies use money as an incentive. I use Vito here.'

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

'We harbour few illusions here at Megatron Inc.'

'I'd say your vision is being affected by an arrow through your head, but perhaps you'd like to get a second opinion from an eye specialist.'

'Fair warning, I'm in one of my 'moods'.'

"I forget the difference - is this a crocodile or a litigator?"

C'mon! Let's go! Hey, you knew I was a nightcrawler when you married me.

"So you are the data protection supervisor of the German government?"

'Why haven't you done the staff cuts I ordered?'

"Can't hear it at all, miss."

Whining SUV.

"All those who object to me replacing the board with crash test dummies, please raise our hands."

'Will this prescription interact with the meds already in my drinking water?'

"I tell you, he's up to no good. He spends hours on the dark web."

'Take this and use it to make really dumb jokes.'

Uniporn

"If it's still following me around at noon, you'll bet I'll eat it."

"Take this with a grain of salt, Birnbaum, you're fired."

The continent you have requested cannot be found.

'I'm Dr. Pooches and I'll be your den...Oh, boy.'

"I don't care what the pet store salesman claimed. I don't think there's a 'well-camouflaged' chameleon on that leash."

'...sometimes it's like this company is being run by a bunch of HEADLESS CHICKENS...no offense, Bob.'

Steam Roller

'You know, if you caught up to me, that means you were speeding, too!'

The difference between a tick and a lawyer. A tick falls off when you're dead!