Computer Humor Fan Prints

'Well, now, let's just shine the light of common sense and linear thinking on this little computer problem of yours, shall we?' 'I'm not THAT desperate yet.'

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

'I don't care what the Hares have. Dial-Up is good enough for us!'

Super Strength, Impervious to Bullets And Explosions

"COUGH! COUGH! Years of data mining have left me with data lung. Don't be like your old man - go into modeling or visualization!"

Terry had a computer bug.

Hardware and software

"There is a 5 month slow down. You are still on the fastest route. You will arrive next year."

'Kumor's responsible for all the computer passwords, so the boss had him encrypted.'

"I didn't know they made a 'Sitbit'"

"Hackers, Sire! They've broken through our firewall."

Archeologists discover Egyptian Computers.

'It does data processing, word processing and list processing. Get me some data, some words and some lists.'

'Mom, I need a push.'

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

Tell me about your history. What are your interests? What kind of places do you visit? Are you careful? House of Java.net Cybercafe. You know what I mean: Are you the type that gets around? Your computer seems chaste. You may use it to send me an email. My laptop is virus-free. Freak.

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

"Our records show that you unsubscribed to our company's e-newsletter. We need to have a little talk."

'By putting all our data into code, our competitors can't read it, our unathorized personnel can't read it, and I'm afraid, neither can we.'

'...And in case of program crashes, this model comes fully equipped with an air bag!'

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

'Yeah, but if it's NOT a mirage, maybe we can find Mapquest on it!'

Religion and technology.

Idiot's Guide to Programming a VCR.

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

"What - the customer complaints come in nonstop and the software doesn't work? Pheew... I'm relieved. I feared that something unusual happened today."

'We've simplified the control to 2 buttons - snooze and panic.'

STRIP Hambone: Using Tippex on a monitor

"These EHR formats are an indecipherable headache to try and wade through. I miss the old days when the doctor's writing was all we had to figure out."

'I'm sorry, but we are after a different kind of Web expert...'

'The number 1 dinner is available in an updated version 1.1.'

"You've got to compress it because my email account is limited to 3MB."

STRIP Hambone: 'Can't you programme this thing to laugh at my jokes?'

'Don't disturb your father when he's in stand-by mode.'

Instead of that CD, how about feeding me a nice bagel for a change?