Commercial Couch Potato Gifts

'For those of you who sneaked into the kitchen during the commercial - the least you could've done was bring me a sandwich.'

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

Bowled over again!

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"Boy, this blooper reel from 'Manchester by the Sea' is a crack-up."

"I'd go with you, but I'm a non-sporting breed."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

Love is when you watch television together.

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

Weatherman: "Tonight's weather forecast is confusing, followed tomorrow by downright bewildering."

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'Och lye the news'

''Food miles' is a big issue, so I'm reducing the distance my food travels by moving my fridge into the living room.'

Succession 2

Tunnel of TV

"Blood pressure 210/140. Heart rate 185. Steps taken 29. Sedentary 9.5 hours. Calories burned 19. You da man! Oh, and you're out of pork rinds." "Our classics TV marathon featuring 'Gunsmoke' will continue after..." "The unfitbit"

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Would you get me a beer from the refrigerator? Just grab one of the cans on the top shelf. Come on, I do so much for you—all these years, the walks, the food, the chases... Come on! Never mind."

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

'I don't do so much of the you-can't catch-me-I'm-the -gingerbread-man material these days...'

"You are still here."