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'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

'She'll never look for me here.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

'Welcome home, Dear. Your dinner is in the popcorn bowl.'

'...and talk about lazy!'

'Where does cozy end and tepid begin?'

The new fall content.

"You know what I wish? I wish there was a foundation that gave grants just to lie fallow for a year or so."

Sick person curled up at home

Leaves falling from a roof garden.

"Isn't it about time to switch from your warm-weather chair to your cold-weather chair?"

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

"Medical science continues to provide hope in a troubled world. Now they say chocolate is good for you!"

'Now that I have your attention...'

"It's called 'muscle confusion'. First, I put on my workout clothes, then I confuse my muscles by not working out."

'No idea. He's been there for as long as I can remember.'

"Are you walking the dog? We live on the third floor!"

"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."

'Here, you can have my fly trap.I already have one.'

"You have reached the samaritans. If you are a farmer press one, a pensioner press two, small business owner press three...."

'Well played, sir.'

Rest distracted by moles.

"I'm afraid the jacuzzi is out of order madam"

"The heat of the flames on my feet makes me feel thankful my feet aren't on fire."

A woman teaches a cat maths as a man eats chips and drinks beer with a dog.

Hockney by the Pool

"Tell me boss, how is the holiday weather in Hawaii?"

"Now bend forward to touch floor between feet- try to keep knees straight."

"Stay tuned to 6, the channel to snooze by."

'You know, Mertins, when you take a vacation day, you can actually stay at home.'

Slow News Day