Comedy Traveler Pillows

'Soon you will be here. . .'

'Next time, spring for a little more, and get a GOOD GPS'

Carefree luggage.

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

Transylvanian backpackers.

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Airport Security.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"This hotel room must be dry. There's a cactus growing out of my suitcase."

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

Camping holidays in the British summer.

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

Steve found himself on his travels.

"How can we get away from it all if you're bringing it all with you?"

"You have arrived at your destination."

Touring Holidays - On the P***

1,000 places to see after you die by Shirley Maclaine.

"All the other passengers have collected and gone so well just have to admit they're ours!"

"The next time you have an 'emergency', have it on the roof like every other self-respecting bird!"

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

'It's a surprise for my husband, he isn't going.'

"Well, they did say half-board."

"Your brochure led me to believe it'd have a more temperate climate."

"Yeah, it's a drag, but the only flight I could get was a red-eye."

"I get it...you went south for the winter. Now, don't you think it's time to ditch the shirt?"

"Oh, bugger!"

"Yes, who do I punch in the face for overbooking my flight?"

Maps to the house arrests of the stars

"I'd like to go somewhere with warm water, balmy breezes and no extradition treaty."

"And this is my niece. She's four. She'd also love to eat you."

'Oh look! We must be coming into land at Heathrow.'

'I hope i did leave the faucet running so the water will put out the fire from the stove I left on.'

'You can't get there from here!'

The only way to get a rain free British holiday is to camp above the clouds.