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"Another lousy Monday morning...your on Holiday."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Airport Security.

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

"Don't move! It's as I suspected, they're attracted to clowns!"

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

Airport

Waiting for the snow to arrive in Aviemore.

"How can we get away from it all if you're bringing it all with you?"

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Cristoph Willibald Gluck 2nd July 1714

Touring Holidays - On the P***

1,000 places to see after you die by Shirley Maclaine.

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"

"You heading south again this summer?"

'Of course, here in Australia we have to learn to contend with vineyard pests that are unique to our locale.'

The Reaper family on Holidays

Vestibular Nerve: What it takes for a Vestibular System to wear paisleys with with pin stripes.

"Any other educational qualifications besides Trump university?"

'Do you have anywhere where they'd think I was good looking.'

"Yeah, it's a drag, but the only flight I could get was a red-eye."

Student to teacher: 'If my paper is late it's because I'm waiting for the most current event.'

'If they let me take you home for christmas, I'll be able to unwrap you with the presents...'

"Any luck"

Drawing board disaster.

"It's your husband from beyond. He says stop trying to 'Google' him."

Currency Exchange. Hebrides Travel Agency. They said that for one hundred dollars, Skye's the limit.

"When you said you were getting a pet to help you through the lockdown, I thought you meant a cat."

'Next year we're going where our luggage goes!'

'So, what have we learnt here? We do not have knife fights on the bouncy castle!'

No, thank you, I brought my own bag.