Comedic Historians Prints

If Newton...was hit by a tomato.

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Yomp Foundation Presentation committee: 'Don't let the gong intimidate you!'

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"There Adam. Isn't that a lot more comfortable than that silly little fig leaf?"

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'He keeps grounding out the energy flow.'

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

I must be losing my grip, he didn't query the bill...

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'This stuff is all well and good son, but when are you going to get a proper job?'

"And last week I nearly crashed while reading on the freeway..."

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"If atheism is a religion, why hasn't it broken up into splinter groups who murder each other?"

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

'We've minimized your tax liability by losing a lot of your principle.'

"You want to go shopping in Lisbon? Honey, give me 10 seconds to sign the order to invade Portugal!"

"Please excuse our appearance while our records are being impounded."

Monkey Business College

"Don't think of it as forgetting stuff. Think of it as freeing up brain space."

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'Listen son-if God had wanted us to fly he would have given us air tickets.'

Pop up begger.

"You heading south again this summer?"

"Young lady! You aren't going anywhere dressed like that!"