Comedic Docs Prints

'He can't stand the sight of blood.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Don't call the Nobel Committee just yet: We forgot to calibrate the instruments before the experiment...'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Al, you need to get over your childish desire for a pony. It's not childish, doctor. I only started wanting one last week.

A therapist reads to his patient from a joke book.

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"5 second rule!"

"If you had only listened to me when you were six and not eaten that dirt."

REPORT CARD, 'This is going to be tough to spin.'

You think you have feelings of worthlessness? You ought to see my portfolio!

Flying Ear Specialist

I told you to take the stairs instead of elevators. Taking escalators isn't meeting me halfway.

With Friends Like These

Spider Facts.

'Let me explain what i mean about a 'Stool Sample' Mr.Hattnel.'

'I'd have to say you've been exposed to extremely high levels of polyester.'

"Would you mind turning down your Walkman just a little!"

If you think your pony is ailing.

'I think I'm seeing double again!'

"Well, yes, high heels do often cause foot problems..."

"I was gonna try yoga, but I don't actually bend so that's not going to work."

"Since this whole COVID thing I've had to adjust my practice."

'I want a divorce, Lenny.'

'A good rule of thumb is never to eat anything that won't fit into your microwave.'

'I do not think I'm a God. God like, yes. But not God.'

'Calm down Harold, it's just a phase some teens go through. He just shaved his coloured feathers off to express his feminine side!'

'Al has vowed to climb the Food Pyramid...one mouthful at a time.'

'You know how some people are living on borrowed time? I think one of them borrowed it from you.'

'Son, time to learn about the magic words every man must know to survive a marriage..'

'So, you're a serious investor? Lighten up!'

"You're enjoying this, aren't you – hammering away at my credibility."

"I yelled 'shazam' and there was lightning and a big explosion. They say I was unconcious for two hours."

Social Security Medicare Office - Now Hiring Phd In Theoretical Mathematics to Explain the Medicare Drug Options.