Comedic Critic Of Fitness Prints

Fitness is for Wimps

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

An old man exercising with hourglasses

"I hate this time of year."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

'It's the new iPed. It's a pedometer, a GPS, and it has apps that show you the nearest ice cream parlors and dessert shops.'

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"What already?! If it weren't for my extraordinary willpower, I'd be exercising right now!"

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

'Flipping the remote and clicking the mouse are his low-impact aerobics.'

"We daren't go in there at our age. We'd probably end up with slipped discos!"

Check out my six pack.

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

'I felt an overwhelming nostalgia for the old video games where you sit on your arse.'

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

An overweight lazy man chooses to exercise on a motorbike at a gym.

"Reinvesting all profits from this gym into a string of donut shops is job security."

attorney at law

"Now bend forward to touch floor between feet- try to keep knees straight."

'The only time I ever worked up a sweat in there was just then, when I tried to cancel my membership!'

The closest I get to running these days is jogging my memory!

"Yes... I'd like to cancel my membership to the company fitness program immediately."

'Bud's body is in a pretty good shape; it's his mind that needs work.'

'You need an exercise program other than bar-hopping.'

'I did a push-up once - It didn't do me any good at ALL!'

home fitness/fatness

'Very good, Now ten more reps...and a one, and a two and ...'

'That's not what I had in mind when I asked for some encouragement!'

"And for exercise, I walk around the block a few times every day."

'My doctor has put me on a strict NO-STRETCH exercise program.'

"I think that exercising during the lockdown involves more than lifting the remote control."

Thinner Thighs in 30 Days