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'Southwestern christian bible college, no drink, no drugs, no sex, no thanks'

'Hmph. College kids.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

'Mutation and natural selection? - That sounds awfully STRESSFUL!'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Billy strip: help with homework.

Dear folks. Well, you were right; being the prettiest gator of the Everglades hasn't helped me one bit.'

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

"Professor Williams had at first been reluctant to join the Assistant Deans in their Think Great Thoughts aerobics. He later came to enjoy the activity."

Room-mate Homicides Waiting to Happen. . .

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

"In conclusion, I hope you all make plenty of money to donate to your alma mater."

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

Talk the talk...

Man at Heaven's gate with different college letter than St. Pete

"I guess we love Uni because we get to narrow our minds with like-minded people."

"Student unicorn"

Man sees college fraternity houses 'Kappa Phi', 'Aeta Epsalon' and then 'Beta Carotene', says, 'They major in nutrition.'

'My son is away at college, majoring in communications. He never calls and he never writes.'

'I recommend you major in something other than meat.'

'Who knew college would prep me for a first class upgrade?'

"Here's my final exam. My lawyer said I didn't have to answer any of these questions."