Clubber King Pillows

Dancing at the Clubs.

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

The Brothers Grime

'Gee, you beat Roger again!'

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'I'm 3 years old - that's 21 dog years - so start pouring!'

Trilby - 'Bonjour, Suzon!'

'A rose tattoo for your lady friend sir?...' A female Tattooist offering a rose tattoo, in the way of the old Rose Ladies in clubs and pubs

'I wanted this on the rocks.'

The Walk of Shame

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"Oh isn't that your squeeze slithering this way?"

Big Fish Little Fish Cardboard Box.

Sober Tooth Tiger

"Do kids eat free?"

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

"Is this fake noodle." "Yes, impasta."

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

'It's called fire...it recycles wood.'

Gangsta wrap.

"Word is that since we increased your case load, you've been living at the office."

A clown has a revelation at the shrink 'And then one day it dawned on me Doc... we're just not funny!'

"I'm going to Bognor next year!"

'Enjoy the race race, dear.'

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

Gorgeous Groovers.

His master's chill-out album

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"It was a really classy restaurant. The waiters drop the food on the floor for you."

That's weird - every time I call the self-help hotline, it goes straight to my voicemail.

American Express Credit Card