Client Prints

'That's not what I thought you meant when you said you expect to obtain a small settlement today.'

Don't forget to read the small print.

'He just got in. Better give him a chance to catch his bearings.'

'Pictures of your family?'

"With regard to costs, we'll be using the legal maxim numerum coniecta, nunc cognomina -- or 'think of a number, double it' ..."

Patience.

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'Please sign the contract only if you're deeply convinced. I don't want to put pressure on you. Don't think of what I could tell your wife about you and your secretary.'

"I finally got that order off Benson last night. He signed it a chopstick dipped in soya sauce."

Let's shake on it.

'You can go in, now, but he won't see you.. he's resting his eyes.'

"I'm sorry Mr. Sloan, but you cannot recoup your loses by claiming plaintiff status in the class action against you."

"Spare no expense, unless it's going to cost me money."

We Never Look at Prices Shop.

'I don't know who you are, but I just lost an important client.'

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"I love it, the chief loves it, the client loves it, but the gods don't love it."

I've noticed you've stopped saying 'we.'

"Technology will transform the worker client interface...."

"So, ..... How did you hear about us?"

"Personal space trainer"

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

Opening the door to new customers

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'It's one of our new technology rings, it allows you to download karats.'

Invoice: 'That's good laughter is the best medicine.'

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

"Did you speak to our client in Australia?"

'I'll take the one on the right.'

"Ed Pierce is here to see you sir, and remember, it's unprofessional to roll your eyes."

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

"More?"

There aren't any serious side effects — just an occasional Elvis sighting.