Client Satisfaction Officer Pillows

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

Direct Marketing...

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

"Great idea of yours to offer their money back if not satisfied."

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

'How would you like your toast?'

'It feels warm enough to me.'

'Even though you're the client, it's my duty to tell you you're wrong. . . Ok then. Speak slowly so I can write down your every whim.'

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

"Ah, the waiter ... And I was beginning to wonder if we really existed!"

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

'I don't want to talk to any flunkies. Put me straight through to the computer.'

"Don't make me send over the bad waitress."

"Fresh-raked leaves?"

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

'Our customers don't want mutual funds that are an 'eclectic mix'.'

'My after-dinner mint was bigger than my steak.'

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"

'Sorry to keep you waiting, sir.'

"For an extra charge, your flight can come with angst and insecurity."

"Is anyone enjoying anything?"

"Certainly. A party of four at seven-thirty in the name of Dr. Jennings. May I ask whether that is an actual medical degree or a Ph.D.?"

'John, this is where you should declare your underlying love and tell Miriam she's the wind beneath your wings...'

No Cabin Crew Self Service.

"Sorry sir, I wasn't sure if you said check or stripe."

"I'll have a gluten-free, hypoallergenic vegan cookie with whipped hand-sanitizer topping."

"It was a cold night, like tonight, back, I'd say, in 1954."

"Nah, he doesn't need the Heimlich. I just don't like his tip."

'Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.'

"I never watch the safety demo. If we crash, they'll just save me."

"You get free veggies when you order meatloaf -- We call it the 'peas dividend.'"