Cleaning Perfectionist Pillows

'I'm tired of you tracking soot and dust into the house. Please call a locksmith next year and use the front door.'

'Mind if I play through?'

'Well, it WAS a pretty coffee table until Dave spilled coffee on it!'

'I don't understand it - there was a little pile of solar dust from Advanced Composition Explorer right here a moment ago.'

"Baldo, I finally got that stain out of your favorite shirt! Of course, I had to use my scissors."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"The good news is...you've one less window to wash."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

'Quick, press control Z!'

You can tell when the blades get dull on your rotary nose-hair clippers.

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

Perfection

'Ladies no more messy pet hairs to worry about with the Decko Dynamic!'

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

"You're welcome."

"Hello job security."

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

Staycation Photos

'I told you I only cook with my mother's Italian spices. She just left Naples and should be here with them in about eight hours.'

Sleeping on the Job

'I'm a narcissist? - Are you saying I'm not perfect?'

'We're very lucky, really, with our poltergeist.'

Spring cleaning.

Wearing radiation suits to clean the toilet

"Do you have anything that removes ink stains?"

"Quit moving"

Decluttering. . .

Desk trays - 'Do it' and 'Do it right this time'.

"Time to spring-clean where I spent the entire winter."

'My Graham is very house-proud.'

'And best of all, he really enjoys it.'