Classroom Captains T-Shirts

"I spent the summer wearing a mask, washing my hands, and social distancing."

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

Children's education

The full moon frenzy strikes again."

"If something that doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, then I should be Atlas!"

'This handheld computer is very useful for teaching. It displays my lesson plan, calander, key files, and an extensive menu of put-downs for hecklers and classroom clowns.'

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

'My class is so large and my seat so far back, I feel like I'm taking a distance-learning course.'

'While outsourcing is a common business practice, you may not ousource your research and homework assignments, Fletcher.'

"I've heard of being organized, but isn't this a little obsessive compulsive?"

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."

'Actually, nowadays it's considered offensive to call an answer 'wrong'.'

The Giamatti era

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

Teacher's pet dog

Too much homework: kid with two backpacks.

"Things happen so fast. What's news when class starts is history when it ends."

'Well, when you mess up on the job, you know where you stand with me.'

"She's a high grade teacher."

"'How to Buy Tickets on Bezos' Spaceship so You Can Live to See Your Teens,' by Chloe Butler."

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

"Of course, that's only a first draft."

I'm in the den mom, reading the newspaper for social studies class.

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

Help. High performing teacher trapped in low performing pay scale.

Lessons.

'Ok, class, let's take attendance. Joey?'

'That's the bell for round two.'

"That Melinda Alvarez thinks she's so smart! Well, I've been studying, and I'm gonna teach her a lesson on the test we have today!"

'I give the same advice to all new teachers. Pretend you know what you are doing.'

"I need you to line up by attention span."

The Ideal Teacher.